


Compromise

by impalasexgod



Category: Alternate Universe - Fandom, Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Sad, Schmoop, Sex, angsty as hell, mad - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 01:39:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impalasexgod/pseuds/impalasexgod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at Jared/Jensen, mostly from Jen's POV....Jared chimes in too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Knew RIght From the Beginning.....

**Author's Note:**

> I've never done J2 before, and an AU. I can barely do Sam/Dean. But I need the practice. So this is my version of things in general. I don't anything related to this show. I wish I owned those boys or they owned me....ya...that would work. Please be kind. Any mistakes are clearly my own.

Soul Mates....

That word gets bandied about quite a lot. With regards to him and I. And with regards to others in the show. 

Soul Mates. It means different things to different people. I don't think there is one clear definition. Just what you want it to mean.

For me...it means that person who fills that hole in you, completes you, makes you more alive just by being close, whenever they speak, when they touch, when they kiss or just when they breathe. Especially when they are breathing softly into your neck while they sleep in your arms.

Ya....he is that person for me. My Soul Mate....always has been always will be.

I knew right from the beginning. From the first time we met. When we did our first read together, tested together. It was there in that shy beautiful smile of yours, those god damned floppy bangs of your that I would smooth off your face. We felt an instant connection, we used to laugh about that, make up silly sappy shit, and tease each other while wrapped around each other in your trailer, or in mine, those little out of the way no tell motels. Everything was before us then. It still is now. But things were much simpler then. We didn't have to hide like this. Not like we do now. Everybody around us knew and accepted, but we were always professional...did our jobs, gave it our all. 

That was before we had to Compromise

I knew right from the beginning that I would love and adore you, you had me (still do) wrapped around your finger, your puppet. All you had to do to pull my strings is say my name or look at me and I dissolved into "instant pudding" And I in turn, just like on the show, turned into your over protective big brother type. It was you and me against the world, full speed ahead and all that. How long ago that all seems and yet it's still as fresh as if it just happened.

We gave each other those cute little bracelets we wore all the time on the show, for various reasons, only ones who knew what they meant were us. Now neither one of us wears them anymore, replaced by those extra large watches. I still have all those bracelets you gave me. I take them out, twirl them in my fingers, remembering what each one was for, and why you gave them, and try not to cry and fail, I kiss them, speak your name and put them away.

And they way they wrote us in the show, that I was some big time pussy hound and you this dewey eyed geek. We've both had our share of women, but we always come back to us. We were encouraged to have girl friends, good photo ops, good publicity, make the suits happy. Do the compromise for the career. So we did like good little soldiers. The net work's blunt little instruments. After all it's what both of worked so hard for, the bad soap opera jobs, modeling jobs. etc. we compromised ourselves for all those things. So if sometimes we forgot ourselves around the set, cause we felt we didn't need to always compromise, they would reign us back in and we' d tow the line.

So then by the end of the third season, things started to really change and well let's just say my character was not the only one that went to hell.


	2. Stay With Me For a Million Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More angsty reminiscing from Jensen..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some lyrics to a song by Emerson, Lake and Palmer. I really love this song. Lend Your Love to Me Tonight

So my character went to hell, and so did I in real life.

We had new cast members come in and being the good team we we played nicely with them. We especially like Misha, he's a riot and so much fun to pull pranks on . He kisses rather nicely too.

And then she was there. Oh don't get me wrong....she's a knock out, smart, funny, You love her and she loves you, you have a great family. But this is where, everything shifted for us, between us. Even watching the dailies from Season 4, you can tell something had changed. You told me, during a post con high, wrapped around each other sweaty, you having successfully fucked me boneless, that you were getting married.  
I mean really, what a time to bring that up. And you gave me your reasons; people are expecting it of us, she's great for photo ops, we're too out in the open so this will help Jen, I swear, if there was any other way, baby believe me we would do it. So you made the big compromise, announced your engagement, set the date. The whole nine. At least you did me the solid of not pretending she was your soul mate and it was puppy dog eyes love

I have tell you and I know it shouldn't be like this, I do feel a modicum of guilt for it, but i resent her and all that she represents in our lives. i don't like feeling like this. I don't. But I can't help it. She came between us. I realize it's naive to think we would have gone on like this forever, but still it hurts. So I had to do the same thing, I got engaged...blah...blah blah.

So now we spend more time apart then we do together, even on set. This whole compromise thing just fucking sucks.

Even on the day of your wedding, when I had to put on my best friend face and fake my way through the day, I stood by you, reeling from the bachelor party the night before, and still remembering the "bachelor party" we had of our own. Doing tequila body shots off each other, crying in each others arms I wanted to get down on my knees in front of you and beg, and beg, please, please, don't do this, I love you, you belong with me, I don't care ,nothing means anything without you. It took everything I had left in me not to do it. But part of me is sorry I didn't .

I cried myself to sleep for two days after you left for your honeymoon, stayed drunk the rest of the time you were gone, which was bad enough, but then listening to classic rock with the buzz...well...those fuckers, back then really knew how to write a song....

Lend your love to me tonight  
Don't ask me who or what is right  
I have no strength I cannot fight  
Just flood my darkness with your light....

 

I would give everything I own..to touch you....

 

God isn't that the truth....I shut off the music shorty after I listened to thing song.

So we made the compromise for careers and for our families, cause yes we were kinda get the constant, have you met someone nice yet....are you gonna get married......so we conformed.

I swear I hope this is all worth it....I'm scared of what happens when this show ends....what will be come of us......I can't even see myself without you.... I wish I knew what you were thinking too.

But again, we hardly even get our heart to hearts any more. More like a quick fuck/handie/or blowjob nowadays.....maybe we still do it cause we feel obligated to...


	3. Let's Do the Time Warp Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared has something to say...

I love you so much it hurts me. An actual physical pain. How beautiful you are. Everyone says how tall I am, but so are you, just not as...that makes it so nice when we're standing in the shower, your arms wrapped around me and you can bury your face in between my shoulder blades and kiss me there.

I love your stunning green eyes, the way you can tell me everything and nothing all at once, the way look when we fuck, or when we're talking or just laying together, no words needed, just soft touches, and soft lips. And you have the softest lips.

I love that your generous and giving and oh so loving. And can we talk about your freckles. I think I have have licked, kissed and generally inspected all of them, especially the ones on the insides of your thighs, you're very ticklish there.

I ache for you, for your laugh, for your touch, your sweetness, just for you to be the one I wake up to every morning.

I think on more than one occasion I had said, or whispered your name during a delicate time. She doesn't know I mean you.

And now you're gonna be a dad. It terrifies you, you told me so. This is so not what either of us had planned for ourselves. For us together. But you're gonna be a great dad. She is one lucky baby.

I don't know what to do with all these things that we feel for each other. I thought we had done enough compromising for the sake of everything. I don't wanna compromise anymore.

I wanna go back, back in time....to the beginning. I know you resent her, you don't do it to be mean, you told me why. And I am sorry. 

But I do find myself more and more these days wanting to be with you more, to see you more. After all people are more understanding about this type of thing, and can still be successful.  
Will one of us be the bold one to just break out, grab the other one and just run away, and let it all out so everyone can see?

I am scared of what is going to happen when we are done here. I don't want this to end. I don't want us to end.

But then again, nothing really ends......does it?


End file.
